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A Path to Effective Allyship: Supporting Folx Unlike Yourself

Allyship has never been more crucial in an increasingly diverse yet divided world. It’s about more than just supporting marginalized groups; it’s about actively working to dismantle the systems of oppression that affect them. True, effective allyship involves intentional actions and a commitment to creating a more inclusive society. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach, but here’s how to embark on this journey. Remember, this is a journey-work, not destination-work. 

a person wearing a black shift that reads "good intentions are not enough."

Understanding Allyship

At its core, allyship builds trust, consistency, and accountability with folks unlike yourself, particularly among marginalized individuals and groups. It's not a self-designated identity but an ongoing and lifelong process of learning and unlearning. As we embark on this journey, we must recognize the difference between performative allyship and genuine support. Performative allyship is when individuals or organizations make superficial gestures of support without engaging in meaningful action. True allyship goes beyond trite social media posts and rainbow flags during Pride Month; it involves genuine, sustained efforts to make a difference.

Educate Yourself

Imagine stepping into a bookstore and finding an entire section dedicated to the experiences and struggles of LGBTQ+, BIPOC, and other marginalized communities. Reading these stories, watching documentaries, and following activists on social media can broaden your perspective and deepen your understanding.

A few of my favorite resources include: 

  • Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza (1987) by Gloria E. Anzaldúa

  • Disability Visibility: Disability Visibility: First-Person Stories from the Twenty-First Century (2020) edited by Alice Wong

  • The Gay Revolution: The Story of the Struggle (2015) by Lillian Faderman

  • Gender Queer: A Memoir (2019) by Maia Kobabe

  • How to Be an Antiracist (2019) by Ibram X. Kendi

  • My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies (2017) by Resmaa Menakem

  • The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness (2010) by Michelle Alexander

  • Sister Outsider (1984) by Audre Lorde

  • So You Want to Talk About Race (2018) by Ijeoma Oluo

Listen and Amplify Voices

Listening is an art. Imagine sitting in a circle with individuals sharing their stories and struggles. Your role is to listen—truly listen—without interrupting or initially offering your own opinions. Deep listening is foundational to building trust and understanding within marginalized communities.

Active, empathetic listening goes beyond just hearing words; it involves understanding and feeling the emotions behind them. It’s about connecting with the speaker on an emotional level and showing genuine empathy for their experiences. When you engage in active, empathetic listening, you demonstrate respect and validation, which can be incredibly empowering, especially for individuals who often feel marginalized or ignored.

Once you have listened, amplify those voices. This means taking the stories and experiences you have heard with consent and ensuring they reach a broader audience. By doing this, you help to highlight issues and perspectives that might otherwise be overlooked.

Understand Intersectionality

Intersectionality, coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, refers to how different aspects of a person's identity (such as race, gender, sexuality, and class) intersect and create unique experiences of discrimination or privilege. Imagine the compounded challenges faced by a Black transgender woman compared to a white cisgender gay man. The National Center for Transgender Equality reports that 44% of Black transgender respondents have been denied equal treatment, verbally harassed, and/or physically attacked in the past year.

Reflect on Your Privilege

Privilege can be invisible, but it profoundly shapes our experiences. Reflect on the privileges you hold—racial, gender, economic, and more—and how they impact your perspective and interactions. For example, as a cisgender person, you might not face the same societal challenges as a transgender person. According to the Human Rights Campaign, transgender women of color face significantly higher rates of violence and discrimination compared to their white counterparts.

Practice The Platinum Rule

While the Golden Rule—treat others as you want to be treated—has its merits, the Platinum Rule is even more powerful: treat others as they want to be treated. This requires understanding and respecting individuals' unique needs and desires, especially those from outside your own experiences.

Take Action

Support isn’t just about words; it’s about taking concrete steps to make a difference. Picture yourself at a rally, advocating for policy changes promoting equality and challenging systemic discrimination. Or imagine using your purchasing power to support businesses owned by LGBTQ+, BIPOC, disabled, or other marginalized individuals. Volunteering and donating to organizations like The Trevor Project, the NAACP, or the National Disability Rights Network can also make a significant impact.

Stand Up Against Discrimination

When you witness discrimination or injustice, it’s your moment to act. Challenge homophobic, transphobic, racist, ableist, or other discriminatory remarks and actions. Silence often equates to complicity. A Pew Research Center survey found that 42% of LGBTQ+ adults have experienced discrimination in some form due to their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Be Consistent and Patient

Allyship is not a one-time act but a lifelong commitment. Imagine a marathon, not a sprint. Consistency is key. Stay engaged with LGBTQ+, BIPOC, and disability issues, continue educating yourself, and maintain your advocacy. Understand that progress can be slow and setbacks will happen, but persistence is crucial.

Hold Yourself Accountable

Recognize that you will make mistakes along the way. When you do, listen to the feedback from those you aim to support, apologize sincerely, and learn from the experience. Holding yourself accountable is essential for growth. As Maya Angelou reminds us, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."

Create Inclusive Spaces

Whether at work, in social groups, or within your community, strive to create inclusive environments where everyone feels valued and respected. This can look like implementing diversity training that addresses unconscious bias and promotes inclusivity or encouraging diverse representation, ensuring diverse voices are included and represented in decision-making processes.

Use Your Platform

If you have a platform, use it to highlight issues of inequality and injustice. Share educational content, support campaigns, and spread awareness. Your voice can reach and influence others in ways that marginalized individuals might not be able to. Social media has become a powerful tool for social justice - for example, #BlackLivesMatter appeared over 40 million times on Twitter in 2020 alone.


Being an effective ally is about action, empathy, and dedication. By educating yourself, listening, understanding intersectionality, reflecting on your privilege, following the Platinum Rule, and taking meaningful steps to support marginalized communities, you can contribute to a more just and inclusive world. Remember, allyship is not a destination but a journey—one that requires ongoing effort and commitment. Together, we can create a society where everyone feels valued and respected.

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