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Eros, Relationships, Gender, and Sexuality

Disclaimer: I am a cis, gay, queer man. My experiences and point of view inform the following compilation. I attempt to be holistic, but I will always have blind spots. As with all learning, take what you need, and leave what you don’t. Feel free to reach out with suggestions.

Books

 

All About Love: New Visions (2018) by bell hooks

 

The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy: Your Guide to Open Relationships, Polyamory and Letting Go (2022) by Lola Phoenix

 

The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent (2021) by Betty Martin

 

The Art of Sex Coaching: Expanding Your Practice (2005) by Patti Britton

 

The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers (1989) by Margot Anand

 

Bad Gays: A Homosexual History (2022) by Huw Lemmey and Ben Miller

 

BDSM Basics for Submissives - Dealing with the Mental and Emotional Side of Submission (2014) by Michelle Fegatofi

 

The BDSM Contract Book (2015) by Michelle Fegatofi

 

Becoming a Slave: The Theory & Practice of Voluntary Servitude (2005) by Jack Rinella

 

Bend Over! The Complete Guide to Anal Sex! (2011) by Stephan Niederwieser

 

The Better Blow Job: Everything You Need to Know About Oral Sex (2016) by Axel Neustädter

 

Beyond the Gender Binary (2020) by Alok Vaid-Menon

 

Body Becoming: A Path to Our Liberation Hardcover (2022) by Roberto Che Espinoza

 

The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love [2nd Edition] (2021) by Sonya Renee Taylor

 

Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto (2023) by Zachary Zane

 

Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life (2021) by Emily Nagoski

 

Daddy Lover God: A Sacred Intimate Journey (2023) by Don Shewey

 

Designing and Leading a Successful SAR: A Guide for Sex Therapists, Sexuality Educators, and Sexologists (2017) by Patti Britton and Robert Dunlap

 

Deviations: A Gayle Rubin Reader (2011) by Gayle S. Rubin

 

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission (1996) by William Brame, Gloria Brame, and Jon Jacobs

 

Different Loving Too: Real People, Real Lives, Real BDSM (2015) by Gloria Brame and William Brame

 

The Dominance Playbook: Ways to Play With Power in Scenes and Relationships (2019) by Anton Fulmen

 

Earth Honoring: The New Male Sexuality (1991) by Robert Lawlor

 

Ecstasy Through Tantra (2021) by Jonn Mumford

 

Elements of Intimacy: The Dance of Loving Connection (2019) by Caffyn Jesse

 

Erotically Queer: A Pink Therapy Guide for Practitioners (2023) edited by Silva Neves and Dominic Davies

 

The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love [3rd Edition] (2017) by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton

 

Faeries, Bears, and Leathermen: Men in Community Queering the Masculine (2008) by Peter Hennen

 

Fantasies of Fetishism: From Decadence to the Post-Human (2002) by Amanda Fernbach

 

First Hand: An Erotic Guide to Fisting (2005) by Tim Brough

 

Gayma Sutra: The Complete Guide to Sex Positions (2014) by Axel Neustädter 

 

The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment (1995) by Jack Morin

 

Gender Explorers: Our Stories of Growing Up Trans and Changing the World (2020) by Juno Roche

 

Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us [2nd Edition] (2016) by Kate Bornstein 

 

Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation (2010) by Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman

 

Healers on the Edge: Somatic Sex Education (2017) edited by Cassie Moore, Caffyn Jesse, and Mehdi Darvish Yahya

 

The Heart of Dominance: A Guide to Practicing Consensual Dominance (2016) by Anton Fulmen

 

Hunger, Thirst, Sex, and Sleep: How the Brain Controls Our Passions (2016) by John K. Young

 

Intimacy Educator: Teaching through Touch (2020) by Caffyn Jesse

 

Kali Rising: Foundational Principles of Tantra for a Transforming Planet (2010) by Rudolph Ballentine

 

Kink: Stories (2021) edited by R.O. Kwon and Garth Greenwell

 

Kinky in the Digital Age: Gay Men's Subcultures and Social Identities (2022) by Liam Wignall

 

The Leather and BDSM Handbook [2nd Edition] (2023) by Vincent L Andrews

 

The Leatherboy Handbook [3rd Edition] (2021) by Vincent L Andrews 

 

Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, and Practice (2004) by Mark Thompson

 

Leathersex: A Guide for the Curious Outsider and the Serious Player (1997) by Joseph W. Bean

 

Liberating Sexuality: Justice Between the Sheets (2016) by Dr Miguel A de la Torre

 

Love, Sex, and Awakening: An Erotic Journey from Tantra to Spiritual Ecstasy (2017) by Margot Anand

 

Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities (2018) by Kevin A. Patterson

 

Male Erotic Massage: A Guide to Sex and Spirit (1999) by Kenneth Ray Stubbs

 

Man Of Use: A Sensitive West Texas Boy Finds Purpose and Fulfillment in Erotic Service (2021) by Allen Silver

 

The Master's Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance (1994) by Jack Rinella

 

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (2017) by Esther Perel

 

More Shibari You Can Use: Passionate Rope Bondage and Intimate Connection (2015) by Lee Harrington

 

More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (2014) by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert

 

The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know (1997) by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams

 

My Love Is a Beast: Confessions (2021) by Alexander Cheves

 

The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People (2002) by David P. Barash and Judith Eve Lipton

 

The Nipple Whisperer and Other Erotic Epiphanies (2022) by Lui

 

Nonmonogamy and Happiness: A More Than Two Essentials Guide (2023) by Carrie Jenkins

 

Nonmonogamy and Neurodiversity: A More Than Two Essentials Guide (2023) by Alyssa Gonzalez

 

Nonmonogamy and Teaching: A More Than Two Essentials Guide (2023) by Ashley Speed

 

Open to Desire: The Truth About What the Buddha Taught (2006) by Mark Epstein

 

The Paradox of Porn: Notes on Gay Male Sexual Culture (2018) by Don Shewey

Partnering: A New Kind of Relationship (2000) by Hal Stone and Sidra Stone

 

Philosophy in the Dungeon: The Magic of Sex and Spirit (2011) by Jack Rinella

 

Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good (2019) by adrienne maree brown

 

Polyamory and Jealousy: A More Than Two Essentials Guide (2022) by Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux

 

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy (2020) by Jessica Fern

 

Punish me! The Complete Guide to BDSM (2016) by Stefan Müller

 

Queer Sex: A Trans and Non-Binary Guide to Intimacy, Pleasure and Relationships (2018) by Juno Roche

 

Radical Ecstasy (2015) by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy

 

Real Service (2011) by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny

 

Rebel Love: Break the Rules, Destroy Toxic Habits, and Have the Best Sex of Your Life (2019) by Chris Donaghue

 

Reclaiming Eros [2nd Edition] (2011) by Suzanne Blackburn

 

The Red Thread of Passion: Spirituality and the Paradox of Sex (1999) by David Guy

 

The Sacred Prostitute: Eternal Aspect Of The Feminine (1988) by Nancy Qualls-Corbett

 

The Satyr's Kiss: Queer Men, Sex Magic & Modern Witchcraft (2022) by Storm Faerywolf

 

Science for Sexual Happiness: A Guide to Reclaiming Erotic Pleasure (2016) by Caffyn Jesse

 

The Secret of the Golden Phallus: Male Erotic Alchemy for the 21st Century (2016) by Bruce P. Grether

 

Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage (2002) by Midori

 

Sex and Spirituality: Ecstasy, Ritual and Taboo (2004) by Clifford Bishop

 

Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships (2011) by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha

 

Sex Therapy with Erotically Marginalized Clients: Nine Principles of Clinical Support (2019) by Damon Constantinides, Shannon Sennott, and Davis Chandler

 

Sex Witch: Magickal Spells for Love, Lust, and Self-Protection (2021) by Sophie Saint Thomas

 

Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex and How to Get It (2013) by Marty Klein

 

Shakti Rising: Embracing Shadow and Light on the Goddess Path to Wholeness (2017) by Kavitha M. Chinnaiyan

 

Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macramé (2015) by Lee Harrington

 

Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches (2020) by Audre Lorde

 

Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude – Principles, Skills and Tools [2nd Edition] (2004) by a grateful slave with Guy Baldwin

 

Somatics for Rope Bottoms: 12 Embodied Inquiries for Transforming Your Experience in Rope Bondage (2020) by Natasha NawaTaNeko

 

Tantra for Gay Men (2002) by Bruce Anderson

 

Tantra Illuminated: The Philosophy, History, and Practice of a Timeless Tradition [2nd Edition] (2013) by Christopher D. Wallis

 

Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy (1984) by Mantak Chia

 

Tie Me Up! The Complete Guide to Bondage (2013) by Stephan Niederwiser 

 

Ties that Bind: SM / Leather / Fetish / Erotic Style – Issues, Commentaries and Advice [2nd Edition] (2003) by Guy Baldwin

 

Trans Power: Own Your Gender (2019) by Juno Roche

 

Trans Sex: Clinical Approaches to Trans Sexualities and Erotic Embodiments (2021) by Lucie Fielding

 

Trauma: A Practical Guide to Working with Body and Soul (Somatic Sex Educator's Handbook) (2017) by Christiane Pelmas

 

Trust: The Hand Book - A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing (1991) by Bert Herrman

 

Two Flutes Playing: A Spiritual Journeybook for Gay Men (2020) by Andrew Ramer

 

Urban Aboriginals: A Celebration of Leathersexuality [3rd Edition] (2002) by Geoff Mains

 

Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century [2nd Edition] (2017) by Barbara Carrellas

 

When Art Therapy Meets Sex Therapy: Creative Explorations of Sex, Gender, and Relationships (2016) by Einat S. Metzl

 

Who's Been Sleeping in Your Head: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies (2009) by Brett Kahr

 

Whole-Body Sex: Somatic Sex Therapy and the Lost Language of the Erotic Body (2021) by Melissa Walker

 

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love (2004) by bell hooks

 

 
Other Resources

 

Association of Certfied Sexological Bodyworkers

 

Black and Poly

 

Cuddle Party

 

EroticMassage.com

 

The New Body Electric School

 

OrgasmicYoga.com

 

The School of Consent

 

Teachers and Guides
 

Sarah Belzile

 

Caffyn Jesse

JoJo Bear 

 

Don Shewey 

Don Shine

 

Pono Stewart 

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