Eros, Relationships, Gender, and Sexuality
Disclaimer: I am a cis, gay, queer man. My experiences and point of view inform the following compilation. I attempt to be holistic, but I will always have blind spots. As with all learning, take what you need, and leave what you don’t. Feel free to reach out with suggestions.
Books
All About Love: New Visions (2018) by bell hooks
The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy: Your Guide to Open Relationships, Polyamory and Letting Go (2022) by Lola Phoenix
The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent (2021) by Betty Martin
The Art of Sex Coaching: Expanding Your Practice (2005) by Patti Britton
The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers (1989) by Margot Anand
Bad Gays: A Homosexual History (2022) by Huw Lemmey and Ben Miller
BDSM Basics for Submissives - Dealing with the Mental and Emotional Side of Submission (2014) by Michelle Fegatofi
The BDSM Contract Book (2015) by Michelle Fegatofi
Becoming a Slave: The Theory & Practice of Voluntary Servitude (2005) by Jack Rinella
Bend Over! The Complete Guide to Anal Sex! (2011) by Stephan Niederwieser
The Better Blow Job: Everything You Need to Know About Oral Sex (2016) by Axel Neustädter
Beyond the Gender Binary (2020) by Alok Vaid-Menon
Body Becoming: A Path to Our Liberation Hardcover (2022) by Roberto Che Espinoza
The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love [2nd Edition] (2021) by Sonya Renee Taylor
Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto (2023) by Zachary Zane
Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life (2021) by Emily Nagoski
Daddy Lover God: A Sacred Intimate Journey (2023) by Don Shewey
Designing and Leading a Successful SAR: A Guide for Sex Therapists, Sexuality Educators, and Sexologists (2017) by Patti Britton and Robert Dunlap
Deviations: A Gayle Rubin Reader (2011) by Gayle S. Rubin
Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission (1996) by William Brame, Gloria Brame, and Jon Jacobs
Different Loving Too: Real People, Real Lives, Real BDSM (2015) by Gloria Brame and William Brame
The Dominance Playbook: Ways to Play With Power in Scenes and Relationships (2019) by Anton Fulmen
Earth Honoring: The New Male Sexuality (1991) by Robert Lawlor
Ecstasy Through Tantra (2021) by Jonn Mumford
Elements of Intimacy: The Dance of Loving Connection (2019) by Caffyn Jesse
Erotically Queer: A Pink Therapy Guide for Practitioners (2023) edited by Silva Neves and Dominic Davies
The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love [3rd Edition] (2017) by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton
Faeries, Bears, and Leathermen: Men in Community Queering the Masculine (2008) by Peter Hennen
Fantasies of Fetishism: From Decadence to the Post-Human (2002) by Amanda Fernbach
First Hand: An Erotic Guide to Fisting (2005) by Tim Brough
Gayma Sutra: The Complete Guide to Sex Positions (2014) by Axel Neustädter
The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment (1995) by Jack Morin
Gender Explorers: Our Stories of Growing Up Trans and Changing the World (2020) by Juno Roche
Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us [2nd Edition] (2016) by Kate Bornstein
Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation (2010) by Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman
Healers on the Edge: Somatic Sex Education (2017) edited by Cassie Moore, Caffyn Jesse, and Mehdi Darvish Yahya
The Heart of Dominance: A Guide to Practicing Consensual Dominance (2016) by Anton Fulmen
Hunger, Thirst, Sex, and Sleep: How the Brain Controls Our Passions (2016) by John K. Young
Intimacy Educator: Teaching through Touch (2020) by Caffyn Jesse
Kali Rising: Foundational Principles of Tantra for a Transforming Planet (2010) by Rudolph Ballentine
Kink: Stories (2021) edited by R.O. Kwon and Garth Greenwell
Kinky in the Digital Age: Gay Men's Subcultures and Social Identities (2022) by Liam Wignall
The Leather and BDSM Handbook [2nd Edition] (2023) by Vincent L Andrews
The Leatherboy Handbook [3rd Edition] (2021) by Vincent L Andrews
Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, and Practice (2004) by Mark Thompson
Leathersex: A Guide for the Curious Outsider and the Serious Player (1997) by Joseph W. Bean
Liberating Sexuality: Justice Between the Sheets (2016) by Dr Miguel A de la Torre
Love, Sex, and Awakening: An Erotic Journey from Tantra to Spiritual Ecstasy (2017) by Margot Anand
Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities (2018) by Kevin A. Patterson
Male Erotic Massage: A Guide to Sex and Spirit (1999) by Kenneth Ray Stubbs
Man Of Use: A Sensitive West Texas Boy Finds Purpose and Fulfillment in Erotic Service (2021) by Allen Silver
The Master's Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance (1994) by Jack Rinella
Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (2017) by Esther Perel
More Shibari You Can Use: Passionate Rope Bondage and Intimate Connection (2015) by Lee Harrington
More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (2014) by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert
The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know (1997) by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams
My Love Is a Beast: Confessions (2021) by Alexander Cheves
The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People (2002) by David P. Barash and Judith Eve Lipton
The Nipple Whisperer and Other Erotic Epiphanies (2022) by Lui
Nonmonogamy and Happiness: A More Than Two Essentials Guide (2023) by Carrie Jenkins
Nonmonogamy and Neurodiversity: A More Than Two Essentials Guide (2023) by Alyssa Gonzalez
Nonmonogamy and Teaching: A More Than Two Essentials Guide (2023) by Ashley Speed
Open to Desire: The Truth About What the Buddha Taught (2006) by Mark Epstein
The Paradox of Porn: Notes on Gay Male Sexual Culture (2018) by Don Shewey
​
Partnering: A New Kind of Relationship (2000) by Hal Stone and Sidra Stone
Philosophy in the Dungeon: The Magic of Sex and Spirit (2011) by Jack Rinella
Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good (2019) by adrienne maree brown
Polyamory and Jealousy: A More Than Two Essentials Guide (2022) by Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy (2020) by Jessica Fern
Punish me! The Complete Guide to BDSM (2016) by Stefan Müller
Queer Sex: A Trans and Non-Binary Guide to Intimacy, Pleasure and Relationships (2018) by Juno Roche
Radical Ecstasy (2015) by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
Real Service (2011) by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny
Rebel Love: Break the Rules, Destroy Toxic Habits, and Have the Best Sex of Your Life (2019) by Chris Donaghue
Reclaiming Eros [2nd Edition] (2011) by Suzanne Blackburn
The Red Thread of Passion: Spirituality and the Paradox of Sex (1999) by David Guy
The Sacred Prostitute: Eternal Aspect Of The Feminine (1988) by Nancy Qualls-Corbett
The Satyr's Kiss: Queer Men, Sex Magic & Modern Witchcraft (2022) by Storm Faerywolf
Science for Sexual Happiness: A Guide to Reclaiming Erotic Pleasure (2016) by Caffyn Jesse
The Secret of the Golden Phallus: Male Erotic Alchemy for the 21st Century (2016) by Bruce P. Grether
Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage (2002) by Midori
Sex and Spirituality: Ecstasy, Ritual and Taboo (2004) by Clifford Bishop
Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships (2011) by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha
Sex Therapy with Erotically Marginalized Clients: Nine Principles of Clinical Support (2019) by Damon Constantinides, Shannon Sennott, and Davis Chandler
Sex Witch: Magickal Spells for Love, Lust, and Self-Protection (2021) by Sophie Saint Thomas
Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex and How to Get It (2013) by Marty Klein
Shakti Rising: Embracing Shadow and Light on the Goddess Path to Wholeness (2017) by Kavitha M. Chinnaiyan
Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macramé (2015) by Lee Harrington
Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches (2020) by Audre Lorde
Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude – Principles, Skills and Tools [2nd Edition] (2004) by a grateful slave with Guy Baldwin
Somatics for Rope Bottoms: 12 Embodied Inquiries for Transforming Your Experience in Rope Bondage (2020) by Natasha NawaTaNeko
Tantra for Gay Men (2002) by Bruce Anderson
Tantra Illuminated: The Philosophy, History, and Practice of a Timeless Tradition [2nd Edition] (2013) by Christopher D. Wallis
Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy (1984) by Mantak Chia
Tie Me Up! The Complete Guide to Bondage (2013) by Stephan Niederwiser
Ties that Bind: SM / Leather / Fetish / Erotic Style – Issues, Commentaries and Advice [2nd Edition] (2003) by Guy Baldwin
Trans Power: Own Your Gender (2019) by Juno Roche
Trans Sex: Clinical Approaches to Trans Sexualities and Erotic Embodiments (2021) by Lucie Fielding
Trauma: A Practical Guide to Working with Body and Soul (Somatic Sex Educator's Handbook) (2017) by Christiane Pelmas
Trust: The Hand Book - A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing (1991) by Bert Herrman
Two Flutes Playing: A Spiritual Journeybook for Gay Men (2020) by Andrew Ramer
Urban Aboriginals: A Celebration of Leathersexuality [3rd Edition] (2002) by Geoff Mains
Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century [2nd Edition] (2017) by Barbara Carrellas
When Art Therapy Meets Sex Therapy: Creative Explorations of Sex, Gender, and Relationships (2016) by Einat S. Metzl
Who's Been Sleeping in Your Head: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies (2009) by Brett Kahr
Whole-Body Sex: Somatic Sex Therapy and the Lost Language of the Erotic Body (2021) by Melissa Walker
The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love (2004) by bell hooks
Other Resources
Association of Certfied Sexological Bodyworkers
​
Teachers and Guides
​