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Eros, Relationships, Gender, and Sexuality

Disclaimer: I am a cis, gay, queer man. My experiences and point of view inform the following compilation. I attempt to be holistic, but I will always have blind spots. As with all learning, take what you need, and leave what you don’t. Feel free to reach out with suggestions.



All About Love: New Visions (2018) by bell hooks


The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy: Your Guide to Open Relationships, Polyamory and Letting Go (2022) by Lola Phoenix


The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent (2021) by Betty Martin


The Art of Sex Coaching: Expanding Your Practice (2005) by Patti Britton


The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers (1989) by Margot Anand


Bad Gays: A Homosexual History (2022) by Huw Lemmey and Ben Miller


BDSM Basics for Submissives - Dealing with the Mental and Emotional Side of Submission (2014) by Michelle Fegatofi


The BDSM Contract Book (2015) by Michelle Fegatofi


Becoming a Slave: The Theory & Practice of Voluntary Servitude (2005) by Jack Rinella


Bend Over! The Complete Guide to Anal Sex! (2011) by Stephan Niederwieser


The Better Blow Job: Everything You Need to Know About Oral Sex (2016) by Axel Neustädter


Beyond the Gender Binary (2020) by Alok Vaid-Menon


Body Becoming: A Path to Our Liberation Hardcover (2022) by Roberto Che Espinoza


The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love [2nd Edition] (2021) by Sonya Renee Taylor


Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto (2023) by Zachary Zane


Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life (2021) by Emily Nagoski


Daddy Lover God: A Sacred Intimate Journey (2023) by Don Shewey


Designing and Leading a Successful SAR: A Guide for Sex Therapists, Sexuality Educators, and Sexologists (2017) by Patti Britton and Robert Dunlap


Deviations: A Gayle Rubin Reader (2011) by Gayle S. Rubin


Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission (1996) by William Brame, Gloria Brame, and Jon Jacobs


Different Loving Too: Real People, Real Lives, Real BDSM (2015) by Gloria Brame and William Brame


The Dominance Playbook: Ways to Play With Power in Scenes and Relationships (2019) by Anton Fulmen


Earth Honoring: The New Male Sexuality (1991) by Robert Lawlor


Ecstasy Through Tantra (2021) by Jonn Mumford


Elements of Intimacy: The Dance of Loving Connection (2019) by Caffyn Jesse


Erotically Queer: A Pink Therapy Guide for Practitioners (2023) edited by Silva Neves and Dominic Davies


The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love [3rd Edition] (2017) by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton


Faeries, Bears, and Leathermen: Men in Community Queering the Masculine (2008) by Peter Hennen


Fantasies of Fetishism: From Decadence to the Post-Human (2002) by Amanda Fernbach


First Hand: An Erotic Guide to Fisting (2005) by Tim Brough


Gayma Sutra: The Complete Guide to Sex Positions (2014) by Axel Neustädter 


The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment (1995) by Jack Morin


Gender Explorers: Our Stories of Growing Up Trans and Changing the World (2020) by Juno Roche


Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us [2nd Edition] (2016) by Kate Bornstein 


Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation (2010) by Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman


Healers on the Edge: Somatic Sex Education (2017) edited by Cassie Moore, Caffyn Jesse, and Mehdi Darvish Yahya


The Heart of Dominance: A Guide to Practicing Consensual Dominance (2016) by Anton Fulmen


Hunger, Thirst, Sex, and Sleep: How the Brain Controls Our Passions (2016) by John K. Young


Intimacy Educator: Teaching through Touch (2020) by Caffyn Jesse


Kali Rising: Foundational Principles of Tantra for a Transforming Planet (2010) by Rudolph Ballentine


Kink: Stories (2021) edited by R.O. Kwon and Garth Greenwell


Kinky in the Digital Age: Gay Men's Subcultures and Social Identities (2022) by Liam Wignall


The Leather and BDSM Handbook [2nd Edition] (2023) by Vincent L Andrews


The Leatherboy Handbook [3rd Edition] (2021) by Vincent L Andrews 


Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, and Practice (2004) by Mark Thompson


Leathersex: A Guide for the Curious Outsider and the Serious Player (1997) by Joseph W. Bean


Liberating Sexuality: Justice Between the Sheets (2016) by Dr Miguel A de la Torre


Love, Sex, and Awakening: An Erotic Journey from Tantra to Spiritual Ecstasy (2017) by Margot Anand


Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities (2018) by Kevin A. Patterson


Male Erotic Massage: A Guide to Sex and Spirit (1999) by Kenneth Ray Stubbs


Man Of Use: A Sensitive West Texas Boy Finds Purpose and Fulfillment in Erotic Service (2021) by Allen Silver


The Master's Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance (1994) by Jack Rinella


Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (2017) by Esther Perel


More Shibari You Can Use: Passionate Rope Bondage and Intimate Connection (2015) by Lee Harrington


More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (2014) by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert


The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know (1997) by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams


My Love Is a Beast: Confessions (2021) by Alexander Cheves


The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People (2002) by David P. Barash and Judith Eve Lipton


The Nipple Whisperer and Other Erotic Epiphanies (2022) by Lui


Nonmonogamy and Happiness: A More Than Two Essentials Guide (2023) by Carrie Jenkins


Nonmonogamy and Neurodiversity: A More Than Two Essentials Guide (2023) by Alyssa Gonzalez


Nonmonogamy and Teaching: A More Than Two Essentials Guide (2023) by Ashley Speed


Open to Desire: The Truth About What the Buddha Taught (2006) by Mark Epstein


The Paradox of Porn: Notes on Gay Male Sexual Culture (2018) by Don Shewey

Partnering: A New Kind of Relationship (2000) by Hal Stone and Sidra Stone


Philosophy in the Dungeon: The Magic of Sex and Spirit (2011) by Jack Rinella


Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good (2019) by adrienne maree brown


Polyamory and Jealousy: A More Than Two Essentials Guide (2022) by Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux


Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy (2020) by Jessica Fern


Punish me! The Complete Guide to BDSM (2016) by Stefan Müller


Queer Sex: A Trans and Non-Binary Guide to Intimacy, Pleasure and Relationships (2018) by Juno Roche


Radical Ecstasy (2015) by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy


Real Service (2011) by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny


Rebel Love: Break the Rules, Destroy Toxic Habits, and Have the Best Sex of Your Life (2019) by Chris Donaghue


Reclaiming Eros [2nd Edition] (2011) by Suzanne Blackburn


The Red Thread of Passion: Spirituality and the Paradox of Sex (1999) by David Guy


The Sacred Prostitute: Eternal Aspect Of The Feminine (1988) by Nancy Qualls-Corbett


The Satyr's Kiss: Queer Men, Sex Magic & Modern Witchcraft (2022) by Storm Faerywolf


Science for Sexual Happiness: A Guide to Reclaiming Erotic Pleasure (2016) by Caffyn Jesse


The Secret of the Golden Phallus: Male Erotic Alchemy for the 21st Century (2016) by Bruce P. Grether


Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage (2002) by Midori


Sex and Spirituality: Ecstasy, Ritual and Taboo (2004) by Clifford Bishop


Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships (2011) by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha


Sex Therapy with Erotically Marginalized Clients: Nine Principles of Clinical Support (2019) by Damon Constantinides, Shannon Sennott, and Davis Chandler


Sex Witch: Magickal Spells for Love, Lust, and Self-Protection (2021) by Sophie Saint Thomas


Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex and How to Get It (2013) by Marty Klein


Shakti Rising: Embracing Shadow and Light on the Goddess Path to Wholeness (2017) by Kavitha M. Chinnaiyan


Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macramé (2015) by Lee Harrington


Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches (2020) by Audre Lorde


Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude – Principles, Skills and Tools [2nd Edition] (2004) by a grateful slave with Guy Baldwin


Somatics for Rope Bottoms: 12 Embodied Inquiries for Transforming Your Experience in Rope Bondage (2020) by Natasha NawaTaNeko


Tantra for Gay Men (2002) by Bruce Anderson


Tantra Illuminated: The Philosophy, History, and Practice of a Timeless Tradition [2nd Edition] (2013) by Christopher D. Wallis


Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy (1984) by Mantak Chia


Tie Me Up! The Complete Guide to Bondage (2013) by Stephan Niederwiser 


Ties that Bind: SM / Leather / Fetish / Erotic Style – Issues, Commentaries and Advice [2nd Edition] (2003) by Guy Baldwin


Trans Power: Own Your Gender (2019) by Juno Roche


Trans Sex: Clinical Approaches to Trans Sexualities and Erotic Embodiments (2021) by Lucie Fielding


Trauma: A Practical Guide to Working with Body and Soul (Somatic Sex Educator's Handbook) (2017) by Christiane Pelmas


Trust: The Hand Book - A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing (1991) by Bert Herrman


Two Flutes Playing: A Spiritual Journeybook for Gay Men (2020) by Andrew Ramer


Urban Aboriginals: A Celebration of Leathersexuality [3rd Edition] (2002) by Geoff Mains


Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century [2nd Edition] (2017) by Barbara Carrellas


When Art Therapy Meets Sex Therapy: Creative Explorations of Sex, Gender, and Relationships (2016) by Einat S. Metzl


Who's Been Sleeping in Your Head: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies (2009) by Brett Kahr


Whole-Body Sex: Somatic Sex Therapy and the Lost Language of the Erotic Body (2021) by Melissa Walker


The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love (2004) by bell hooks


Other Resources


Association of Certfied Sexological Bodyworkers


Black and Poly


Cuddle Party


The New Body Electric School


The School of Consent


Teachers and Guides

Sarah Belzile


Caffyn Jesse

JoJo Bear 


Don Shewey 

Don Shine


Pono Stewart 

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